Nail Fail

Nail Fail #3

Well Best City Nails doesn’t like to bitch too much, and so it’s been a while since we’ve posted in our Nail Fail category.

But this frightful sight from Allegra Mostyn-Owen – an artist and Oxford graduate most notable for her 6-year marriage to London mayor Boris Johnson – has caught our attention in the pages of the Brave Boris Promotional Pamphlet, often referred to as the Evening Standard (article here).

Ms Mostyn-Owen appeared in an interview to explain how great and funny Boris Johnson is (cheers, but we all know he’s really funny…for many people this is considered his sole redeeming feature). She also explained how into Muslims she is, and how she knows loads about Muslims, and so Boris probably loves them as well. And how she and Boris had loads of fun at university sending notes to each other and drinking wine.

ALRIGHT ALLEGRA, well we’re ALL very anti-Islamaphobia and we ALL had fun at university drinking wine….doesn’t mean we need to go around proving our fun-loving and down-to-earth credentials with a maroon manicure and a chipped, black contrast nail. WHAT THE FUCK?!

What an aggressive, classless colour combination. I mean what is this? Apart from the family jewels, this could be the hand of a scruffy rebellious teenager, swigging cider and smoking weed in the park, listening to ska punk. Which is fine, in its place.

And these sorry-looking short nails are being done no favours dressed in such dark colours. Less Avril Lavigne and more Hilary Devey, pls.

The ‘I’m an artist and I am relaxed in my own home’ is fine if executed well, but chipped nails are no friend of this blog.

HERE IS THE DIVINE DEVEY DEMONSTRATING HOW TO DO AN INTERVIEW AND NAIL-ART PHOTO SHOOT IN YOUR HOME:

CAPISCE?! Devey’s subtle pose couldn’t be further from Allegra’s ‘LOOK AT ME! Look how A) rich B) ethnic-friendly and C) nail-art-retarded I am! ALL ON ONE CASUAL-YET-VERY-OBVIOUSLY-POSITIONED HAND!’

We have to give these an epic…

0/10

I mean, what’s to like? Miley’s nails got two marks for at least not being chipped – we can’t even afford such generosity here.

Sorry Allegra; newly-appointed Evening Standard Queen of the East London Muslims you may be (lol), but a nail queen you are not.

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Nail Fail #2

Been a long while since we’ve drawn attention to a Nail Fail, especially as we are all trying to be positive in these dark, dark times.

But this time we aren’t picking on Miley ‘She’s-Just-Being-Miley’ Cyrus…it’s our own fail. Best City Nail Fail. An own goal, if you will.

Because we thought OBVIOUSLY you can just stick bits of magazines to your nails…

3/10

The only marks here are for effort.

It didn’t look good from a distance, just murky, fleshy colours. Up close, as you can see, was even more of a nightmare and that was before everything began to peel, and water began to seep beneath the paper.

For those who can’t tear their eyes away this is L-R: Kelly Rowland, Britney Spears, Katie Price, Gwen Stefani and Kerry Katona. Selected from an old issue of Closer magazine solely on the basis of their being about the right size (although if it could be done well, a whole set of the Stefani eyes might be nice, after all she is a Nail Queen!)


Nail Fail #1

You’d have thought that with a budget about 10,000,000 x the size of Best City Nails’, she’d be able to cook up a look at LEAST as good as ours.

Nope. Proudly-pouting Miley does not impress us with these plain black, stubby eyesores.

Perhaps she had ferocious talons, fit for a queen, but they got chipped and broken during THE CLIMB – hahahahahahah.

Oh well. Pro nails are probs not the best thing for herding cattle and playing geetar.

...SHE'S JUST BEING MILEY

2/10

A mark for the fact the’re painted, a mark for the fact they’re not chipped.

The generosity goes no further.